Wednesday, September 19, 2007

As I dip my toe into unoriginal waters...

As you have no doubt read earlier, I don't really care for terms like "nerd" or "geek" but for whatever reason I have assembled a small and ragged list for you of my top "Attractive Ladies of Nerddom"

Why do I do this to myself?






Sunday, September 02, 2007

Captain Obvious is born!

I am 35. I was 10 or 11 when I first received 1999 by Prince (on cassette, no less) for Christmas. Outside of hearing "fuck" in a song for the first time and becoming a groovy little Prince fan, I never thought much about the song Little Red Corvette. Until last week. I loaded up the car cd player and listened to his old stuff. While I listened to the song it dawned on me...like clouds parting from my sky...what he was actually singing about. Vagina. Not unlike Ring Of Fire (which according to Johnny Cash's first wife is about that very orifice), Little Red Corvette is about vagina, pussy, bajingo, hoo haa, etc.

Judge for yourself.



Okay, she parks her car sideways. Like maybe up and down. Get it, huh, huh? Next, vaginas, in a universal sense are "little" and to a certain degree (your color may vary) "red", yes? We all know the line about Trojans and what that means and yeah, maybe you can assume he's fucking this chick in an actual corvette (he is a small guy), but when she "drives" him to the place where her "horses run free", she's basically driving him to Jordachetown. And to think, I can remember Casey Kasem talking about songs with cars in the titles way back in 1982 during America's Top 40 instead of instructing this gentle, toe-headed young lad that this song was, in fact, filthy.

Just plain filthy.

Tony's questions about Star Wars

So, I picked up the umpteenth version of Star Wars on dvd a few weeks back because Best Buy had the latest two-disk version that has both the fancified 1997 version and the original 1977 theatrical print for sale...cheap! When the newest 2 diskers came out I wasn't going to buy them all again after having bought the Trilogy when it came to dvd a couple years back (even though it bugged me that it was only the new, sluttier version), but at about 6 bucks, I couldn't pass up buying Star Wars again (it was the only one at that price). I am happy to see that the film looks it's age. The sound crackles a little and the picture isn't perfect and that, G.L., is absolutely fucking fine! Han shoots Greedo and Greedo never even fires a single shot! No garish Mos Eisly! Wonderful, I say!

While watching a bit today some questions came up that I'd never considered before. Any answers would be greatly appreciated.

1. Why does Leia need Ben in the first place? He didn't own a spaceship. He was old. All she needed to do was get her ass to the Rebel base, so why stop off for a visit?

2. When did they dry off from being in the garbage chute? Luke got soaked under water and comes out fresh as a daisy.

3. Why did Ben think that his death would help Luke in the long run? Lets forget G.L.'s bullshit quasi explanation in his last abortion of a Star Wars film about Jedi coming back, somehow, in ghostly form (which, by the way, is elaborated on in the novel - I only cracked open the end of the book just to see if anything made the ending any clearer - but it's still crap), but what does his death accomplish?

4. Why didn't the damn Death Star just blow up Yavin to get to the hidden Rebel base? It does blow up planets, dunnit?

My head hurts.